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 Crawlspace: cold for a reason.
Sean say: There comes a time in every man's life where he just hast to get away from it all and live in a cold crawlspace for a year. This is an account of my lost year (abridged). It is so cold in this crawlspace. Didn�t they pay the heating bill? Otherly, at around 6:30 AM I was beginning to think this was all a terrible idea. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere I smell the most perfect waffles. Golden, ripe, heart of taste, it reminded me of the time I had waffles at Denny�s. Thank thomas for this nose of mine. Oh the adventures we'll have, I'm sure. It was an incredibly hard decision when I finally sat down and thought about it; have decided to live off of dust and lint as apposed to mice and bugs. Have I finally become a vegetarian!? Next thing you know I'll be a contestant on PETA! Otherly, I have had troubles breathing. This air is so stale it makes me want to convulse rapidly. I do this often. I've recently been getting the feeling like I was being watched. On one such occasion I tried a quick turn around, but soon it became clear that I had gotten myself horrifically lodged between two imposing beams of pure wood. How in the world were they able to build this crawlspace!? It's just not up to code. Meanwhile, I am unable to move properly. I cannot tell if anyone is watching me; I cannot turn around. I continue to yell for help in case there is a friend nearby, but no one has come to my aid. Aparently in crawlspace, no one can hear you scream. Otherly, I've decided to quit vegetarianism as it is obviously based on lies. Only animals speak the truth. I decided to take a break from living in the freezing crawlspace just in time to witness my daughter's budding puberty. Later that day the infant cut its first tooth. At around 11:30 AM I returned to my home in the crawlspace. It felt vastly dire. It is a hopeless situation, and yet I still have hope! No matter how cold it gets, never lose hope. Perseverance. That is the secret to my success. Once again, I leave the crawlspace. It was before sunrise this morning. I have not slept well recently, contrary to my plans. In the crawlspace, I had felt far too cold for anything resembling relaxation, much less sleep. However, in the time usually reserved for sleep, I have perfected the skill of shivering, a life saving tactic. I had to leave, not for the cold but because I had promised a friend of mine that I would visit him in Tahiti. I will be back very soon perhaps. Back from Tahiti. It was so-so. I'm just glad to get back to living in the crawlspace. Too bad it isn't a leap year. Crawlspace living is a tough nut to crack. If only I had more time. It just goes to show: Humans can land on the moon, but the cold claustiphobia of crawlspace is a mystery still. 
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